What does GRIEF have to do with OCD Treatment?
Well, OCD treatment inherently means saying goodbye to certainty, to old coping tools, to the relentless pursuit of control, to over responsibility. Treatment means adopting new strategies that are ultimately more effective. And you might be thinking “well that actually sounds nice”. It is! I promise! But to get there it means parting ways with what has felt safe, familiar, habitual…even saying goodbye to things that feel “right”.
Some clients struggle with making changes in therapy because of the attachment they have to their control strategies (the methods used to attempt certainty, to fix something, or to figure something out). Letting go of that means acknowledging that attempt after attempt (sometimes years of attempting) hasn’t worked. It means acknowledging that they’ve probably spent a lot of time, energy, relational capital, and mental effort investing in strategies that ultimately don’t work.
In therapy, we grieve that lost time, the lost energy spent tirelessly pursuing “safety”, the lost ideas of “needing” to control, the relationships that have suffered, the shame that inevitably surfaces. It’s tough work but vital to moving forward with effective OCD management.
How is grief work done in therapy?
The work I (Dr. Cook) do with clients goes something like this: We set aside time to explore what’s being lost. What are we saying goodbye to?
When the time is right, we imagine stepping onto an elevator and pushing the button to the basement. We imagine safely dropping down into the darkness of emotion. Once there, we spend time investigating it - What does this feel like? What do you notice in your body? What is this sensation telling you? What are you resisting letting go of? What do you welcome letting go of? We give space to feel emotions, letting go of cognitive efforts to understand the “why” of emotions. We introduce nurturing as a form coping with the darkness of grief and explore the gentleness of acceptance. After a little while, we navigate our minds back to elevator and hit the top floor, safely rising back up to the light and reentering the world outside of grief.
Willingness is Key!
Willingness is a major part of grief work. I’ll ask, “what do you feel willing to feel today?” using the metaphor of a door opening. I never want clients to feel flooded with emotions, as if their door to emotions is being swung wide open, letting everything in. Instead, we work to visualize cracking the door to whatever degree feels doable in the moment. Even if all a client feels willing to do in that moment is imagine the door itself, that’s doing the work.
Interested in This Work?
If you’re interested in engaging in this work, reach out to me (Dr. Blair Cook) at info@atlantaanxietycare.com or call me at 865-498-6319
Written by Dr. Blair Cook, LPC, founder of Atlanta Anxiety Care